Gravity and I are friends now. Unbeknownst to me, she slid right back into my life. Right under my nose. I wasn’t actively pursuing a friendship with her, but that’s sometimes when the best ones come along. I hadn’t been friends with Gravity for a long time. We’ve occasionally been acquaintances with each other, waved hello as we passed or ridden on the same public transit, but we’ve never been as close as we are now. At least not since I was learning to walk. Pulling myself up, taking a wobbly step just to fall down and start crying. Two minutes later, I was at it yet again. No tears in sight. Not a grudge in the world. I used to think, not too long ago, that Gravity had it out for me. That she’d manipulate me, talk about me behind my back, as people have been known to do. But it turned out to be the complete opposite. I had a subconscious vendetta against her. I blamed her while simultaneously blaming myself for anything negative that happened. But the fact of the matter is Gravity is omnipotent. She’s intertwined with everything. You just have to learn how to work with her. You don’t have to appease her all the time, but rather get to know her and how she ticks. Sometimes people will use her against you. Getting you to blame her, rather than the person wielding her.
Despite my drooping eyelids begging to be shut, everything feels lighter. My spirits, my hopes, my dreams. Everything feels more within reach than it has felt in a long time. And honestly, I attribute a lot of that to the work I’ve done on morning pages. They’ve made me face the things I want to do head on in a way that I have not done in a long time.
I refuse to wait out the highs because I’m bracing for the low’s arrival. It’ll come when it comes, but this time, I am attempting to internalize the fact that the highs will return. And as long as I have gravity on my side, maybe I’ll allow for things to be a bit different while experiencing the lows. Or not. Maybe Gravity will go on a vacation and our long-distance friendship will have a bit of strain. Who knows? It’ll be ok whatever happens because I am here and more than anything, I can rely on myself. My heart, my body, my brain. It is a wonder what can happen when you’re (I’m) nicer to yourself (myself). Life opens up. The sky is bluer. The music is louder. Food tastes better. Sleep hits harder. The blanket is softer. The writing feels promising. The possibilities seem endless.
Happy 2024, everybody! Over the past couple weeks, I have been searching for the right words to sum up my experiences in 2023. Instead, I stumbled across this piece you just read. I had transferred it from my morning pages journal to a now 45-page document full of “good ideas” that I’m supposed to “come back to” and perhaps one day even “finish.” Whatever that means… Anyway, I thought this was worth sharing as is because it really illustrates a peaceful place that I came to in the latter part of the year, which I subsequently veered from and came back to multiple times.
For any music-loving folks, here’s a playlist that further illustrates what I touched on in this piece. I love it because there’s a layer of grief within the playlist that I don’t necessarily feel exists explicitly within the piece I wrote, but that was very present as I grappled with these realizations. More on that another time, perhaps?
I hope to share more writing this year, both in progress and maybe even something I’d deem “finished.” I would really love to connect with more people artistically this year, so if there’s anything you’ve written, drawn, performed, etc. that you’d like eyes on, please do not hesitate to reach out. So much love always.